Banter Bureau Advice Column: Runaway Bride

Dear Runaway Bride,

You had written:

“I’ve been dating a guy for the past 6 months. He makes me very happy, and I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him. I’ve brought up the idea of marriage after we both finish school. (He is in grad school while I’m in undergrad.) But he says he wants to get married next year! Now just the idea is giving me cold feet. What should I do?”

Runaway Bride, I could not stress this enough, communication, communication, and MORE communication! While marriage can be a beautiful thing, much of the trouble comes from both parties wanting different things from the marriage. I’m sure you’re a person with goals and aspirations, so ensure that you’re ready for marriage – that it won’t get in the way of the life plans you have for yourself. It sounds to me like you and your partner have vastly different timelines for your marriage. In the worst-case scenario, this makes the two of you and your relationship unviable, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Take the time to talk to your partner. Ask them what marriage means to them, and express your concerns. Make sure the conversation is low-pressure and open-ended and that you bring up this topic during the appropriate time. Try to bring yourselves to the same page. Lastly, make sure you are prepared for this conversation, as it may be a hefty one.

Please note that you should always be your number one priority at the end of the day. Although you are currently in a relationship, you are your person. You shouldn’t have to compromise your goals for a 6-month-long relationship (or really any relationship for that matter.) It sounds to me that your partner needs a reminder that in the grand scheme of things, your relationship is relatively fresh. Make sure not to rush into anything. You both are young! Enjoy just dating for a while. You’re still getting to know each other.

XOXOXO

The Banter Bureau