Banter Bureau Advice Column: Sleep Deprivation Soldier
Dear Sleep Deprivation Soldier,
You’ve written: “Hi Banter Bureau! I need help with a problem I’ve been having lately with a roommate. I live in a forced triple, meaning we barely have enough room to fit all of us into this tiny space. I like both of my roommates, but for the past three weeks one of them has had her boyfriend stay overnight every single day. They always come in at odd hours which wakes me up and they’re not very subtle about it either. I’m not very confrontational and I don’t want to start a huge problem over this, but it’s almost finals season and I want to be able to sleep in my dorm without being disturbed by a stranger. What should I do?”
First of all, hats off to you Soldier! I would have lost my mind after the first week, so you being able to last three full weeks is very impressive. Pat yourself on the back!
Secondly, your frustration is absolutely valid. Forced triples are already tight, and having an overnight guest in that setup every night would test anyone’s patience—especially with finals around the corner. Although you’re not one for confrontation, setting a boundary is incredibly important and worth standing up for yourself. That doesn’t mean, however, that the conversation is going to be uncomfortable!
When you talk to your roommate, catch her when she’s relaxed, maybe during the day or when you’re both hanging out. This will help keep things calm and comfortable. Try something like, “Hey, I wanted to bring up something that’s been on my mind. I’ve been struggling with sleep lately since there’s been an extra person here a lot of nights. I know you didn’t mean for it to be disruptive, but it’s been a little hard for me.” You might want to propose a middle ground, like asking if her boyfriend could limit his overnight visits to weekends or a couple of specific nights. This way, she feels her relationship is still respected, but there’s more balance.
If a light conversation doesn’t work, see if your dorm has rules about frequent overnight guests. Sometimes, just knowing the policy can help you communicate better, or you could bring it up with a Resident Advisor as a neutral third party.
It’s natural to avoid conflict, but addressing this directly, while keeping it friendly, might just help you get the sleep you need. Remember: prioritizing your sleep and well-being, especially during finals, is worth it!
Best of luck,
The Banter Bureau
