Banter Bureau Advice Column: Bro Code

Dear Bro Code,

You’ve written to The Bureau saying,

“Hi, Bureau. I think I quite unfortunately have feelings for one of my friends. And that friend is single, we share the same interests and hobbies. But I don’t think this friend is into me. Instead I think they’re into a different friend entirely. Even worse, a DIFFERENT friend was into my current crush and we’ve sworn bro code over it. What do I do ):”.

Firstly, I want you to know that feelings like this are complicated. There’s nothing wrong with having a crush, in fact it can be a very beautiful thing! Admiring another person is very natural, and nothing to be ashamed about. If another friend of yours was into this person as well then they must be a very great person, and worthy of your affections. Unfortunately, the bro code does come with a heavy burden, especially if you are interested and motivated in pursuing this person romantically.

There are multiple ways you can go about this situation depending on your comfortability. If you really want to pursue this person, I would recommend speaking to your friend first. Though you’ve “sworn bro code over it,” explaining the situation to your friend in a calm, non-confrontational manner may ease some tension and allow for a path forward. If your friend no longer has feelings for this person, perhaps they’ll give you the green light to ask out the person of your interest! On the other hand, if your friend still harbors feelings for this person then you can have a conversation that clarifies the boundaries they have with you going forward. Either way, this conversation is an integral first step in navigating this complicated dilemma.

Once you have had this conversation with your friend, you have to decide whether or not to go through with your confession. Though confessing your feelings for someone can be incredibly nerve-wracking, it can also be a beautiful, vulnerable moment full of humanity and kindness. My advice is to find out if your person of interest truly has feelings for someone else before your confession. Perhaps you would be able to ask around in your friend group, or speak to the person you believe they have feelings for in order to gain their perspective. This insight will help you prepare for any outcome and may make it a bit easier for you to understand how your person of interest may react.

When confessing to the person you have feelings for, try to choose a relaxed environment. Perhaps during a regular hangout with this person, or at a coffee shop. Attempt to choose a time and place in which the person you are confessing to will not feel bombarded or trapped. Then, be honest! While you don’t exactly have to spill your guts to this person, let them know that you are interested in them and would be open to a change in your relationship from friends to something more.

Please keep in mind that all of these instructions are really just possibilities of how you move forward. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to your friend so bluntly about the situation, or if you feel that a confession will lead to an undesirable outcome there is no need to do so! Sometimes, a crush is just a crush and there doesn’t need to be any more to it. Not taking action in this situation is just as valid as taking action. Though it’s a bit cliche, there really are plenty of fish in the sea. If this person doesn’t work out for you, keep your head up high and know that you will find a person who will!

Best of luck,

The Banter Bureau